it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
