toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
