When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
