i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
