Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
