I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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