She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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