she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
