it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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