We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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