I want to stick my p in your. b.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I am spending my child support on dildos
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
