i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
