So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
