Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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