Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
