I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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