no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
false alarm. still invincible.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
