Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
