EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
