everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
