my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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