A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
