Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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