i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
