I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
