I'd wear matching sweaters with you
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
