she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
