do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I just threw up on my dentist
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
