it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
