dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
