clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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