JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
