Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I stole a fireplace last night.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
