Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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