names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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