I'm really into asian looking animals
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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