So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Randomize
