i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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