My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
