Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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