I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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