I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Randomize
