i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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