I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
