I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
