Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
