PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
