Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
