i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
