I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
