So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize
