How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
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i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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