It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
