you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
