you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
