living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
