You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
