shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I think a kid would responsible me up
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
