They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
