Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
