I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm like, not good at living.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
