I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
