i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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