Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
