A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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