dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
