You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
