need another drink. this is the easiest way
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
