You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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