Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
