This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
