We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize