I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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