i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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