My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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