I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
