okay pat passed out under dana's car
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
