I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
