tell your sister to shave her snatch
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
