So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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