that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
