I seem to have left my pride at pride
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
