last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
