That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
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